It’s time to choose your groomsmen. Question is, how? It should be one of the fun parts of wedding planning, but it can quickly turn into a minefield of expectations, awkward conversations, and potential fallouts. You want to surround yourself with people that support you, keep the energy high, and help things run smoothly, not a group that adds stress.
To make things easier, here are six key rules to follow when picking your groomsmen, plus some extra advice to keep things drama-free.
1: Choose People You Can Rely On
Being a groomsman is more than just wearing a suit and posing for photos. Your people need to show up, help out, and keep things on track, whether that’s through helping out with a checklist on the big day, or being willing to work with last minute changes to help keep things running properly. If someone has a history of flaking or stirring up trouble, they might not be the best choice.
- Pick people who will be there when you need them
- Look for friends who are supportive and easygoing
- Avoid choosing someone out of obligation if they are not the right fit
Family members often expect a spot, but your wedding party is not a duty list. If a brother or cousin makes sense, great! Just don’t feel forced into it.
2: Keep the Numbers Practical
There is no magic number for groomsmen, but going too big or too small can make things tricky. Too many, and you are juggling schedules and extra costs – matching groomsmen suits for the group are brilliant, but you don’t want to have to handle too many of them! Too few, and you might not have enough support on the day.
- Consider the size of your wedding and the bridal party
- Do not feel pressured to match the number of bridesmaids
- Pick the right balance of friends, not just a list of who you feel you should include
If cutting the list feels impossible, look for other roles: Ushers, speech-givers, or even someone leading a toast. That way, everyone feels included!
3: Do Not Let Guilt Influence Your Decision
Friendships evolve, and not every mate from school or uni needs a place in your wedding party. Choosing groomsmen based on guilt or social pressure is a fast track to stress.
- Prioritise friends who are still part of your life
- Do not feel obligated to include someone just because they asked you to be in their wedding
- If a close friend or family member is not in the line-up, find another way to involve them
Most people will understand. If anyone takes it personally, a quick conversation can help clear things up.
4: Make Sure They Get Along
Your groomsmen will spend a lot of time together, so think about how they will mix. Different groups – school friends, workmates, family – can sometimes clash, but a little planning helps avoid tension.
- Organise a casual meet-up before wedding events begin
- Start a group chat to break the ice
- Keep things upbeat and focused on the bigger picture
If you know there are strong personalities in the mix, set the tone early. A well-balanced group makes everything easier.
5: Be Clear About Expectations
Not everyone knows what being a groomsman involves, so set expectations early. Some might think it is just about standing at the altar, while others assume they will be planning everything, from the wedding suits to the table arrangements at the dinner. Avoid confusion by laying out the basics.
- Let them know what is expected in terms of time and involvement
- Be upfront about financial costs (suits, travel, etc.)
- Make it clear that the role is about support, not just a title
This prevents last-minute surprises and ensures everyone is on the same page.
6: Ask in a Way That Feels Right
Once you have decided on your line-up, make asking them an occasion. Making it part of the approach makes them feel appreciated and excited to be part of the day.
Some great ways to ask:
- A personal chat over a drink or dinner
- A handwritten note explaining why they are important to you
- A small gift or keepsake to mark the moment – @diykristin has a great example with some groomsmen gift boxes:
However you ask, make it personal. A little thought goes a long way.
Extra Tips For Choosing Your Groomsmen
Picking your groomsmen is only part of the process. Keeping the group dynamic positive and avoiding wedding stress takes a little extra effort. Here are some extra tips:
- Handle disappointments with care – If someone is upset about not being chosen, acknowledge it and remind them they are still important to you
- Plan group events early – The more time they spend together, the better they will bond
- Focus on fun – Weddings can be stressful, but keeping things light helps everyone enjoy the experience
Your groomsmen should be your dream team, not a source of stress. Choose reliable mates, set expectations early, and keep things fun along the way. The goal is to have a crew who will support you, keep things running smoothly, and throw in a few great memories while they are at it. Pick wisely, have a laugh, and enjoy the ride!
